Oct 1 2009

In the depths of The Ivy’s Digestive System

So the ivy is gone. In removing it, we found a few things it has eaten in it’s 20 year life span. Including:

- A Rubber Ducky (Pictured Above)

- About 30 Kokanee Beer Cans. Clearly The Ivy had a few parties in its life. I guess Ivy also ate the can when it was finished.

- 15-ish Miller Lite Beer Bottles. The Ivy never was one to discriminate. It accepted all manners of cheap beer.

- A few Christmas Lights here and there. During the Christmas Season, The Ivy’s favorite treat was Christmas Lights. The red ones especially.

- Garden Shears. Evidence of a previous unsuccessful murder attempt of The Ivy.

- A couple of coke cans. Hey, The Ivy was just like me and you, ok? It liked it’s soda as much as the next guy. Only, it ate the can afterwards.

- Some Dishes. The Ivy ate like a civilized being. Even if it didn’t act like one.

- Cat food tins. The Ivy was generous to feed the cats that lived under the porch. Or maybe it was just fattening them up for dinner.
- A cookie tin filled with Sidewalk Chalk. I guess it thought it was filled with Cookies.

- A Shoe. We’re still anticipating finding a leg of the previous owner that went with the shoe. I wouldn’t doubt that’s how the Ivy got the shoe. Maybe that’s why they wanted to sell this place. I mean, if an Ivy monster had eaten my leg…I’d leave too. Fortunately, this Ivy was no match for us. We fought it down to nothing, and now it’s gone! Roddas: 1, The Ivy: 0 !!!


Sep 25 2009

Death of a Legend.

Unfortunately, I don’t think the above quote applies to English Ivy.

Our new place has a lovely porch out front. It has two lovely maple trees that are situated in front of the porch. However, the porch has been eaten by the English Ivy Monster. It’s been about 20 years in the making. It’s pretty extensive. In the siding of the house…heck, it was in the kitchen when we first moved in. So we made the decision to get rid of it.
It’s taken about two weeks, and we’re just now starting to see the end of it (though I’m sure that we’ll have to start fighting it again in spring!) Our plan is to put some black tarps over the area over winter to kill any of the roots that are left over.
But I must say, I have grown to detest this vile plant quite profusely. Whoever planted this stuff 20 years ago…
If I had one piece of advice to offer after all of this: Don’t plant ivy. You think it’s an easy garden? Hah. Wait till it eats your house. It’ll eat your plants. It will cover your lawn. Once you plant Ivy, you better be prepared to pull out the big guns if you ever change your mind.
Here’s what Wiki says about this “charming english ivy”
“Hedera helix is considered an invasive species in a number of areas to which it has been introduced, such as Australia and the United States. Like other invasive vines, such as kudzu, it can grow to choke out other plants and create “ivy deserts”. State and county sponsored efforts are encouraging the destruction of ivy in forests of the Pacific Northwest and the Southern United States. Its sale or import is banned in Oregon. It is considered a noxious weed across southern, particularly south-eastern, Australia and local councils provide free information and limited services for removal. In some councils it is illegal to sell the plant. Ivy can easily escape from cultivated gardens and invade nearby parks, forests and other natural areas. Ivy can climb into the canopy of trees in such density that the trees fall over from the weight, a problem which does not normally occur in its native range. In its mature form, dense ivy can destroy habitat for native wildlife and creates large sections of solid ivy where no other plants can develop.”

See that??? It can even invade nearby parks. Not even your children are safe from it. ;)

Don’t ever plant this stuff! It’s awful!